she claims a 'lack of inspiration'....

Preface:
when claiming to be my own worst enemy i am in no way overdramatizing the situation...it is not an attempt at the most cliche of excuses...it is merely an understanding of myself, that goes beyond your understanding of me...your lack of understanding is in no way your fault...its just set up that way...oh...and the veil of 'love' makes it much, much harder to truly understand the imperfections of the thing right in front of you...

Body:
i cannot justify what i have done, this does not however erase the fact that there are terribly certifiable reasons for my actions (and by actions i mean--being a completely untrustworthy bastard)....however, you won't like a single one of these reasons....you will ask me for them or maybe at moments i will feel compelled to give them to you (refer to: understanding and the desire to have it), but these things will only make a bad situation much worse...(refer to: aforementioned 'veil of love' and all previous knowledge of relationships between people, having gone sour or not)...things like this are scary and as humans we are fully capable of removing every bit of what we know as reality, sanity, and all similes from the situation...i.e. the ability to transform words like, 'i'm sorry' or 'how about sushi' into 'i can't wait until you fall asleep tonight so i can sneak out and engage in multiple sexual relations mostly involving your best friends'...

Afterthoughts:
sabotaging this relationship, via this course of action, may be one my major regrets in life...the post.shower regimen you have is my favorite post.shower regimen of all time...i think i would miss you even if i had never met you...your hands are very small, and your feet very pointed--this will always fascinate me...cooking meals with you is always a lot of fun...you're my favorite person to talk to about life...

Mission:
growth...

Vehicle:
trial and error...